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A Wish for Wings that Work
I'm always trying to fly.
She's looking for the parents of recent college grads to interview. In her words:

" OK folks, I have cleared the bureaucratic hurdles and I am ready to conduct interviews! Here is the new blurb to share. I will also post it on my wall, since it may be easier to involve me in it if it starts at my wall. But I am also sharing it here because if you can think of anyone that would be perfect and most likely willing, if you could message them with this, that would be awesome. I think I might have slightly better luck through messaging than through wall postings (which could be a study all on its own ;) ) because of the level of commitment and investment that comes through messaging. But if you can only post it on your wall, then I am super happy and grateful for that. :)

Here is the blurb:

Would you like to be part of my dissertation project? I am looking to interview the parents of recent college graduates. Are you a parent whose child graduated from college between the years 2008 and 2014?

Or are you a college graduate whose parent might like to talk to me? Please send me a message!

I will be conducting interviews that are approximately 1 hour long, and I can do them by phone, by Skype, or in person if you are within 100 miles of Portland, OR. Interviewees will receive a $5 Amazon gift card as a thank you.

Thanks for your consideration!"

Feel free to signal boost, if you know anyone who might help! Her email is

It would be an awesome, amazing job for me.  And I'm almost frighteningly well-qualified for it.  I just submitted my application materials.

I'm trying not to hope too hard.  But I need to leave my current job, so I'm looking for other things to apply for as well.  This area is tough.  :(


Which nom de plume should I use as a writer of genre fiction? You can pick a few favorites! free polls
Back when I was doing academic writing, the process was more like 1. think stuff 2. make some notes 3. stare at the notes 4. think lots of thoughts for AGES in a half-hearted way 5. begin to panic because the thoughts are not in any way written down 6. put the thoughts in an outline 7. congratulate self 8. stare at outline 9. think lots of thoughts again, then panic 10. drink alcohol until panic recedes 11. drink caffeine until focus sharpens 12. adjust substances as necessary to maintain optimal balance 13. write into the outline 14. hope it's good enough because it's never getting revised dammit 15. panic 16. cry 17. proofread 18. pronounce it done
At least, it made today worse than it otherwise would have been, I think.

Think I'll just wallow in self-pity for a while

...that could work.  I might actually update my LJ once in a while.  :)

A song came into my head on the way home and I realized I needed it and I haven't sung it in years. And that I wanted to share it with someone important, because it's part of me. This is one of the songs that saved my life. No hyperbole. During one of the worst times of my life, which was also a February, I found this song, and although some of it doesn't apply, most of it does. I sang it again and again, hoping it would be true for me. Now it is... It was the first part that caught me, all those years ago; it's the end that's who I am now.

This also happens to be a rather lovely live take, heh.  Dar Williams, "After All."

The lyrics that are very much me, now:

Well the sun rose
With so many colors it nearly broke my heart
It worked me over like a work of art
And I was a part of all that
So go ahead push your luck
Say what it is you gotta say to me
We will push on into that mystery
And it will push right back
And there are worse things than that
'cause for every price and every penance that I could think of
It's better to have fallen in love
Than never to have fallen at all
'cause when you live in a world
Well it gets in to who you thought you'd be
And now I laugh at how the world changed me
I think life chose me
After all

I think of it at sunrise a lot, and when I'm afraid of love, and in the dark parts of winter.  And I used to sing it to myself in wintertime, to remind myself that the world is part of me.  I need reminding, sometimes.
I just got off the phone with dad. He's fine. As fine as it's possible to be with a traumatic brain injury anyway.

I'll try to write more later. For more, thank you all for the support. It's been a rough couple of days.
Early this morning, my mother heard a thud from downstairs. She assumed it was the dogs and tried to go back to sleep, but then one of the dogs came and got her up and brought her downstairs. It was my father. He was unconscious on the floor. One side of his face was badly bruised.

The ambulance couldn't get to the house because ice had made their road impassible. It's a privately owned road, but the town came and sanded it so EMS could get through. Dad ended up in the hospital eventually. He's still there.

They've done a bunch of inconclusive tests so far. The scary part - the really scary part - is that he's having memory problems. Mom says he thought he was still in high school. Before this, he'd had what they thought was the flu for a couple of days: fever, joint-aches, cough. Other than that, he's been robustly healthy.

They're doing an MRI and an EEG now. I'm scared and I'm 3000 miles away. Later I'll ask mom if she wants me there; right now she's got enough to deal with without having to buy me plane tickets and sort out logistics.

My father is an incredibly healthy person, normally. And he's not very old; he turned 59 a few weeks ago. We have a difficult relationship in some ways, but I love him, and he's been a rock-steady presence in my life forever. I'm afraid for him.

I'm at work, keeping busy and trying not to cry. My coworkers today are good people, very understanding. And I have good people outside of work too, to help with the fretting and crying. I'll be all right.

If you believe in such things, I'd love to know that my family and I are in your thoughts and prayers. And even if you don't, sympathy helps.

I can use lovely things, right now.

Asked for five things ze associates with me, ze said "I associate you with the ocean, geese, the way the first few rays of sunlight feel in the morning, cats, and always knowing the right thing to say."

Ze's my ex, and a friend.  And to top it off, I had just sent a message to hir answering the same question, so I know that ze wrote that down in the space of a minute or two.  I had a bad dream, earlier today, that had some lingering echoes.  This message cleared away those wisps.

Some of those associations are deeply personal for the pair of us, particularly "geese," but they're all lovely.  And it's good to know how I'm seen.  I'm not seeing myself this way, just now.

Name: Tess
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Back July 2014
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